Looking Back… @25

It has been about 4 and half years or so since I started my blog. It has been a bumpy ride, Life is isn’t it?

In this entry of my blog, which will be my 22^nd entry, I will actually be giving you a glimpse of how my life has been, for the past 25 years. I’m turning 25 today! Yea you got it, so if you’re reading it on 10^th Nov 2021, you could wish me, if not you must have wished me and I would’ve sent you the link. Both ways you are here, trying to make sense of what I’m going to say. So let’s plunge in.

Once upon a time, so long ago, even before the world began, there was a maker who thought of me. He knew there would be me, and he formed me. Is that hard to believe? It gives me a sense of being loved, loved by a maker. Now let me put it down simply. Let’s assume I did not go to school, my school friends would not have known me or loved me. If I had not gone to church, they wouldn’t know that I exist and extend their care for me, so before love comes Knowing. What if I had not been born? No one, would have known me and no one would have cared. But even then….

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

 

He knew me by name, He knew how close we'd be and how much pain He would go through for the sake of me in the Cross. He loved me. Doesn't love cause pain? But in the end its fulfilment brings utmost joy and we forget the pain it brought to us. Saved by amazing grace and bought with precious blood! He cherished me, his masterpiece.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book, it says. Seriously? The days when my eyes were only full of tears, the days I barely got through, the mundane ones doing homework, the fast flying fun days, the super-fast VBS, the more mundane days of work.

If yes, then here are a few days. If you are going to continue reading.

Life, as we all know is a stretch of ups and downs. And mine too has pretty much been a bumpy ride and also a sail across the beautiful calm waves.

On the first day at earth, I was born amidst sweets, crackers, diyas and lights all over, since that day was Diwali. My mom had eaten a lot of sweets and was admitted in the hospital at Chennai, where she gave birth to me. Little did she know about me, yet I was loved. The whole of our nation was celebrating the festival of lights when light dawned on this baby girl. This baby girl had no idea who she was, what she will be named, what she would and wouldn't do (she doesn't know most of it even now, the basics are done, though). 😉 My birth into this world itself is a miracle just like yours is, just like everyone else's entry into the world. 1. Thank God.

2. From that day, the journey started, my heart has been beating, brain working and I was a healthy baby and I still am. Thanks to God who made me.

3. I don’t remember much, as I try to represent the history chronologically, but there was a particular robbery at home when I was young. The day was rainy and the thief could only take the purse near the window sill and most of it was papers, the papers were spilled in our staircase, it was scary but just like the lions couldn’t eat Daniel, the thief probably couldn’t do any harm to us. Thank God.

4. There was a fall when I was about 3, I was told. I fell from the bike, when my dad was about to drop me at my granny's place. I was probably fine or so my father thought, but I never spoke a word it seems, so I was quickly taken to the Hospital in an ambulance and later on I spoke after seeing my mother. (How different my world would've been, if I hadn't spoken but God in His mercy has opened my mouth to speak!) Thank God.

5. I remember the story of how I got the second place in a running race in my first year of kg, I’ve never done or been that ever since that time. Maybe the other kids did not know they had to run! However, those are beautiful memories that I thank God for.

6. Moving on, our house used to be in a small street and I had to come to the main road to board my school van, I used to ask and pray that our house would be in the main road, it seems and so it happened. We shifted. From our new house I could directly get on the van. Thank God.  

This new house is where I grew up for most of my 25 years.

7.  I had a friend at school, our class leader then, someone I admired and looked up to. As small as we were, I loved her pink frock. It was the trend then. The same kind of frock in yellow, white was I vogue 😉. As a lover of pink, I liked her dress! I don’t remember praying, but guess what, my Dad bought exactly the same dress for a New Year’s Eve. Thank God, thanks to daddy.

8. During my high school years, there were two opportunities for anyone to become a leader. One was during 9^th grade and another during 12^th. During my 9^th grade, I was one of the girls who stood for election and I had to prepare a speech. I still remember the verse I used.

30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. Rom 8:30

That time, I lost. But in the eleventh grade I was one of the leaders. I do take it a privilege and Thank God for that. It shaped me in a few ways and gave lots of joy.

9. Our school has a grand prize day. I have been in the school choir for years. But then, I hadn’t won any special prize that would push me to attend the prize day and get a prize. I always wanted to stand first in class. (Don’t we think that’s the greatest joy at school? At least I did, for a time). But sad story, I never stood first in class. So, the prize day was a distant dream till I was awarded the Scripture prize, a special prize for scoring the highest in Scripture exams. With just the same grandness I received the prize, not just for a year but quite a few. There were other prizes I won on that grand day too! Thank God

10. As I had told earlier, I was one of the leaders; I had to lead my house. It was a huge responsibility. The thing about me, as far as I know myself, I like making people comfortable, I can be behind a leader and work well, but I don’t think I have the authority and other stuff that a leader also requires. I’m better at motivating, encouraging or so I think. Ever since I was a kid, I had never seen my house, the HELEN KELLER house win in Sports. It always stood in the fourth or fifth position while there were only five houses. I used to pray before every match, we lost many and won many. And by the grace of God, after a span of 13 years, our house won for the first time making History! Victory indeed, overjoyed I was. Thank God.

11. I have always been taught to be independent, in the sense to a certain extent wherein I try to solve most of my problems on my own. To aid this, I really wanted to get a scooter for myself. I was in third year of college, I guess. The process of selecting began, we even paid the advance. And then, there was a huge pause. At this juncture I’d like to highlight my weakness through which God’s light had shone. I am a girl who never really liked or rode a bicycle. The one without a side wheel would give me a scare. As a peak episode of my fearful nature, I hired a cycle during our school trip to Kodaikanal, even then I didn’t ride it. I was that good at it! So, the close family who knew this never really supported my decision to get a scooter. However, We made it! Jesus and I. Rather, he made me do it. I took the learner’s license earlier and then took the proper license (which is a testimony in itself). I’m pretty comfortable taking my mom on the scooty in Chennai’s traffic! Thank God.

12. College, those years… A bitter sweet memory. From year 2 I wanted my college to celebrate Christmas. We tried, for two years to only have them cancelled or unplanned due to RAINS that were heavy in Chennai.  But I remember God’s promises to me.

Then the surviving Philistines will worship our God and become like a clan in Judah. The Philistines of Ekron will join my people, as the ancient Jebusites once did. Zech 9:7

This helped me believe and continue praying and I only prayed. In Year 4, the last year of my college days, only my heart was praying, I didn’t move an inch regarding the Christmas program as I was busy with internship and interviews. I still remember the call from a junior when I was getting back from an interview. I was on the bus and I could hardly believe that she was telling me we have a Christmas program at college. I had the full pleasure of singing, decorating and praying. Most importantly, I rejoiced in my heart for all those who heard about the LOVE that came to save us on a Christmas day. All those small desires of giving a cake and a promise card also happened in my sight! Initially it was planned in a small hall but as per the dream of an ex college professor, it happened in the biggest auditorium in our college with all the final years and a few others who involved along with teachers. Oh what a joy. Thank God.

13. I’ve had a lot of life changing moments, Isn’t one moment shaping you for another always? Regarding life changing, redeeming… let me explain. Everyone who is born into a Christian family is called a Christian. But it’s not always they are really Christians, till they accept and believe that Jesus Christ is their Saviour. So, even though I had been going to church, been a “good” girl I wasn’t a Christian till that day. O what a wonderful day, a day at VBS, when I committed my life to Him saying, it’s no longer me, Jesus but you in me.

https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2017/09/this-is-what-i-believe-follow-religion.html

14. By far, the most heartbreaking experience I’ve had is that of losing my Father. Death of a loved one, takes a part of you away along with them. In fact every relationship that is treasured is like that because people are irreplaceable.  And God’s overwhelming presence and love literally led me through. Truly, He is a God of the Fatherless and the widows. In that phase did I start my blog. I remember crying through examinations, weeping through the night and a part of it still exists till God wipes away every tear on the other side. So what is there, to thank God for in this? It is His invisible presence and love that carried me and still carries me and my mom. I have a privilege and specialty with my Heavenly Father as I have lost my privilege of having a physical dad here on earth. Thank You Father, for all the good moments with my Dad, Thank you Father because I knew how much He could love me and thank you for being a Perfect Father!

https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2017/03/an-umbrella-in-rain.html

https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2017/11/defending-death-death-sound-of-very.html

https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-last-pizza.html

https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2018/06/having-god-as-your-dad-short-peep-into.html

15. As the years went by, we needed a bigger home. And God spoke to us with a beautiful verse from the Bible. He gave us a huge house that was better than what we expected or even hoped to have. If you’d like to read the story in a more detailed manner, here’s the link: https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2019/02/psalm-84-even-sparrow-has-found-home.html

Even today, when I sat on our cozy sofa amidst the wind and rain outside, I couldn’t thank God enough for our “beyond expectations” home. Thank God.

16. Just recently, I survived the Pandemic. It was an experience. If you’d like to read more, here’s the link: https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2021/05/with-pandemic.html

A week after my recovery I read about a girl of my age who died, sadly. Not in any way am I better than anyone else in the world, which brings me to THANK GOD, for the very breath I breathe.

17. I have met with a huge accident that broke my bone. I was riding with my cousin when our bike was approaching the car which had a halt that made my cousin put the brake suddenly. I don’t even remember how I fell or whether I fell. But yea, my legs were swollen and it was painful. The first thought that struck me after the fall was that I wouldn’t have to go to work the next day. (Sounds kiddish right? Or is it what each of us would feel like?) However, that was the first surgery that I had to undergo. The surgery was actually a good experience because of the anaesthetic, but nothing before or after the surgery was good. With my eyes wide open, I’m sure I gave the doctors a weird experience. As soon as the effect of the anaesthetic began to fade, I felt excruciating pain and somehow hoped it would all end soon. God took care of me, my mom was available since it was the month of May and schools didn’t work. I had a lot of books, good food, so many visitors to cheer me up and oh, and lots of love. Thank God for protecting me, road accidents are many times fatal, which reminds me to be grateful for the life I live, the feet I walk with and my whole body with me.

18. Kids and rain are always swift gifts of joy in a package to me. No matter what is going on in life, these two bring an instant smile. The innocent smile of an innocent child and the pure drop of cool water from the clouds, both are a treat to the soul in me. Thank GOD for both.

19. When I was a kid of about seven or eight years, I role played the angel who shared the good news about Jesus to Mary in a fancy dress competition. The big thing in that event was that, I didn’t have my mom or dad to help me at that point, I had to do it all on my own when everyone else had either of their parents to help. Also, the church was not mine and the people not so familiar but God gave me the first prize it seems. Wow what a great thing, Emmanuel God with us. Thank God.

But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. Luke 1:30

20. It was board exam for class 12 and my brother had to write his first exam. I was in 10^th grade and spending my study holidays, studying! When I prayed for my brother to write His exam well, I was terrified because exactly after a month I’ll have to face the boards. God intervened with this verse:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Oh what courage carried me all through! I scored a whopping 97% in 10^th grade. Just before the tamil exam, I made 10 mistakes in a letter of 9 lines and managed to score a 92 % in Tamil. I still have the shield I received for scoring a centum during the centenary year of our school in that Grand annual day. Thank God.

20. Cinderella! One character that I really think I’m awfully attached to. For good or for evil, I do not know. By sheer grace, I got to act the character “Cindy” in a play at school. I still take joy and pride in that character, I do believe in a different kind of a fairytale! There were so many others more talented and oh so pretty over me, but yea, I was Cindy! Thank God!

21. One of the best gifts that I wanna thank God for is the people He has and always have carefully placed around me. It really does make me feel special at times. The company I have received because I may not really be my best version in their absence is amazing. People are the most valuable resource whether we realise it or not. The great neighbours, the awesome friends, the praying ones, the teaching ones, the treating ones, the talking ones, so on and so forth. Though there is always the good and the bad, God has been good. And I have always had what I needed when I needed it. For a sample of His concern and how he takes care of me you could read:

1. https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2020/07/many-small-incidents-in-life-reinstate.html

2. https://emyflorencemoses.blogspot.com/2020/07/stalkers-of-two-kinds-on-bright-sunny.html

22. Even from a young age, I was taught to find the truth by myself and not believe something because someone said it, to a certain extent. The same applied when I read the Bible; I tried to find out the truth about many things on my own. The Bible and what God has expressed through His written word has always been the code.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying I have completely obeyed or am doing what the Bible says, though I try. At present, I have a lot of questions for which I have no answers, yet. But I believe that God is faithful, though I may not be.

Coming back to the point, God helped me be a part of a Student’s ministry that really helped my relationship with him to grow. Thank God for that.

23. Just after I broke my leg and the time of rest was getting over for me, I bought an oven. I have always been a fan of homemade cakes and relished the same. I’ve always wanted to bake my own cakes too. It’s not a big deal, you may say but I’m thankful for the one who helped me start baking. To make things more interesting, I got this verse as a promise verse for the year 2019.

Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. Deuteronomy 28:5

For those who are wondering, we have the practice of taking a verse in the beginning of each year as a promise from God and it’s really precious and true. You could guess my level of curiosity when I got this verse, and yes God was true to his promise, I made plum cakes for Christmas and my brother loves my brownies. Good enough, isn’t it? Thank God

24. My aunt in Muscat usually brings us gifts from there J.  She does it so prayerfully that we all have exactly what we prayed for. One specific year, I wanted to get an optical mouse, I was looking for the right one and and I kept looking. (I’m quite indecisive when it comes to selecting gadgets or electronics or pretty much anything. I keep thinking, thinking and finally decide on not buying things until..) Well here, until my aunt gave it to me. It was great! Thank God, I’m still using it. There was another time when I was in fourth or fifth grade and I wanted a make up set, she bought me exactly that!

25. I have had the habit of writing down the small beautiful things that God had done in my life, for a while on and off some days. Most of the years I wrote it regularly, the container in which I saved the small notes would overflow. Likewise, I don’t have the time or energy to tell every story or write every detail for being grateful to Him. I have enough reasons and the above are a few.   Thankful for these years!

Why would I write this on this birthday? The purpose is to try and be grateful for all the 25 years (Silver Jubilee) that I’ve wandered on this earth.

Grateful!

#NeverLeft

#NeverForsaken

#Hebrews13:5

#25

 

 me with the Pandemic...

It was Monday, the start of a hectic week as it was on the end of March, the closure of the financial year. Also that week was the Holy week which ended in Easter. In addition, I had a transfer around the corner which thrust me to work things in a hurried manner. Within three days, I had to handover, finish the pending and pass it on. Monday was fine, a bit dusty maybe but Tuesday I was weak. I knew I was. I thought it was my frantic running around and wanted some rest. A leave was costly as I had too much work to pass on. The knowledge of leaving a familiar workplace to a different one left with me only little time to spend with people there, that complicated my leave process.😟

Tuesday went by, Wednesday was bad too, and I had temperature. For the kind of person I was, I didn’t want to take a paracetamol to forcibly reduce my fever. I expected it to go away on its own. Strangely, it did when I took rest. After bidding a temporary farewell to my friends there, I moved to the new place, with fatigue. It was Good Friday next, aww a relaxing holiday. I attended the shortest English service which encouraged me and took a whole day of rest. The next day was a tiring 1 hour travel to farther parts of Chennai with my scooty for election duty as a servant of the Government with election around the corner. One would say my life was running a lot, I would say it!

That day, I was too tired, I had the warning sign of losing my taste! To be mentioned, I didn’t have fever on Good Friday, so I concluded it was somehow related to the non-ending schedule that I was a part of. The warning sign of losing my taste and smell led me to conclude that I must not attend Easter service and take the awaited Covid 19 test. My next fear moved to my mother. I immediately started the distance I needed to keep from her, knowing she was diabetic. It was Saturday 3 pm, I knew the hospital wouldn’t have the test centre open, so on Easter day, off we went, to give the test.

Oh the wait for the message on the phone, it was something I can’t explain in words.😕 Some feeling that we have when we wait for results, when we wait for our progess card, for our marks, it was like that. I quite knew what the result would be but everyone had to know. The results didn’t turn up the day we expected it. I had to sleep over the doubt of it. The next day in the morning I knew. I was positive and mom was negative.

At once, I took the book I was currently reading, some of my belongings and went to the hospital. There they treated me like I was normal, well yea for them I was just another young positive patient having nothing serious to do with them. They got a consent from me for home quarantine, a signature that I won’t be out till 14 days are over, supplied me with the necessary drugs, a pulse oximeter, viewed my lungs through an X ray and I was back home.

A room was set aside for me, confined. It was my own little quarantine space! I loaded it with books; (quarantine was exactly what a Bibliophile would love). I had to do my steaming, take tablets, had to eat all that my mother gave including the kashayams and vegetable soups I had to push inside and take a lot of rest. The rests were easy as it was much needed and demanded by the virus. The quarantine was in one way a gift to me, who had continuously kept running everywhere or so I think. The gift part, I have no doubt, it’s the running part I’m guessing.

If there was one stark difference between a common cold and Covid(In my opinion, from experience), was that small difficulty in breathing. The steaming process exemplified the breath problem; it’s the subtle difference that makes a world of difference! But yea, I was doing great, thanks to God who made it possible! Who permitted and walked me through this endeavor, and UNTOUCHED.

I still had fatigue in my body after about two weeks of my sickness, it may be around for a month, they say. But I’m grateful.😃

• ·         Grateful for mom turning negative, as whatever was causing me trouble was not allowed to trouble her.
• ·         Grateful for being taken care of, provided for luxuriously.
• ·         Grateful for being able to stay at the comfort of my home.
• ·         Grateful for being loved. (Mom prepared food and so many other stuff, anna supplied medicines, Neighbours gave fruits, everyone helped, uncle helped with getting other stuff, sister sent flowers and a get well soon badge from a friend too. Above all this, a God who loved me whose love can’t be expressed in words)
• ·         Grateful for not having any complications, for being able to breathe in oxygen without support.
• ·         Grateful for life...... and many more

Ever since I have spoken to at least three people regarding overcoming Covid, I’m praying for a lot and I am aggrieved for the loss of many. With whatever this pandemic has to do with us, claiming some lives, leaving many lives, sucking some lives let’s remember that 

God is good.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 NIV

https://romans.bible/romans-8-28

Also a few things I did during the times I was sick (No complications or co morbidities, oxygen – good):

(Even if you’ve read it a 50 times, if this write up helps one person, then it’s ok if I bore the other 99 with the same advice)

• 1.       I took a lot of rest! Kept sleeping for the first few days.
• 2.       I can’t say I ate well, I did give my mom a tough time with finishing those unending kashayams and soups, but I say it’s better if you provide ammunition (nutrition) for your body to battle this out even if you lose your appetite and don’t feel like taking a bite. I ate a lot of fruits and juices too.
• 3.       Steaming was one thing I loved to do. I could feel my improvement while doing it. It was like a breath meter for me and it helped.
• 4.       I didn’t step out of my room! Books were my only physical contacts.

The Gardener knows to prune

PRUNING

We have quite a few plants in our terrace now. Taking care of them has taught me many things. One of which is this. A gardening tip, not exactly but yea, this may give you courage to snip off those leaves when you really don’t have the heart to. 

The plants, the lovely budding greens, suddenly had a hard day, I thought it was something related to the weather or waters, but then on looking closely I found that it was a pest. An insect that would eat them up. Not knowing what to do after trying out on neem medicines and home remedies, all I could do was chop off the infected leaves. Till the insect couldn’t eat any of it.

 I was immediately scared as to what may happen to the plant, but slowly they bloomed; slowly the leaves started showing up. It was like they had a new life, a new era. The transition was beautiful. 

This reminded me of how God would sometimes deprive you of something, even everything you hold dear. So that new leaves would come, you won’t be gone forever. The Gardener knows how to prune.